Teens and privacy.  The teenage years are an invention of modern society.  It is created by the social changes in economy and standards that leaves us with nearly-full-grown people who have limited responsibility and varying degrees of independence.  They need our help and push it away at the same time.    This starts young, very young.  Young children have private lives from as early as nine months.  I once worked with a thirteen month old who was concealing her ability to walk from her parents.  There is an important power in this.  It lets a child become their own person.  Someone able to disconnect and cut the cord, hopefully with love.  However, it also scares the crap out of most parents.  The desire to love and protect makes the unknown into an overgrown monster. There is also the parental desire to celebrate.  Those parents lost out on the joy of watching their daughter take her first steps.  I once served with a young man who was a rather good pianist.  I accidentally discovered that his mother had no idea that he could play the piano at all.  She laughed it off, but I could tell she was a bit hurt. 

Perhaps you saw the articles last week about the growing dislike for the world of facebook.  To quote the Slate article, "while some teenagers interviewed by Pew claimed they “enjoyed using it,” the majority complained of “an increasing adult presence, high-pressure or otherwise negative social interactions (‘drama’), or feeling overwhelmed by others who share too much.”  Well, I know plenty of adults that feel that way.  Some are there and not there at the same time.  Others opt out.  And others..well they share to much and like to much.  There is drama.  I don't know why we would think that second lives are that much different from first lives.  And for all the constant adjustments to privacy on the site, it still has controls that you can control (mostly); however you have to use those controls and some self control as well.   Facebook feels like it has a better balance of privacy and interaction; social media sites like twitter and tumbler, well to me they are more like graffiti or loud shouts across a crowded room.  Everyone can see or hear whatever it is you are saying.  

Still, I wonder if I should I feel guilty.  Culpable for being a loud part of the large adult presence in teen facebook experiences.  I urge parents to sign up if their children are participating; I contact parents if something posted is worrisome.  And  yes, I tag parents in your photos.  It is so much easier than when I used to send mission trip photos to yearbook editors!  I wonder if my love for y'all and desire to celebrate has tripped over that boundary.  I wonder if this feeds into that feeling of being overwhelmed.  Have I become the embarrassing parent in the parking lot??  I am deeply appreciative of social media connections with the young people I serve with.  It is a way to interact in the middle of our spread out and busy lives.  I know more about the young people I work with because of facebook.  I know more of what to celebrate, but I am also faced with more to pray for and sometimes more occasions to seek assistance.  

A friend of mine is fond of the grounding technique of 'losing the door'.  The bedroom door.  That famous slamming boundary marker.  If you cannot play by mom's rules, then you lose your door.  I have often wondered if doors in childhood and teen years are something that should be earned.  Like a drivers license.  Anyways, the reality is that online there are no doors.  Only the uber-powerful have the ability to build online doors. So please remember that if you don't want your parents to know, then you should start with not doing it!  Then when that notion fails, please for goodness sakes, leave the house with NO DOORS.  I am not encouraging dangerous choices, I am simply acknowledging the romance of risk.  Anyways, if you don't want people of power and influence to know about something...then DO NOT POST IT.  Government and private agencies are cataloging everything that is ever on the interwebs.  If your parents and youth workers can find it then so can possible employers. Phone lines still work, pick it up and have a conversation.  Find a loud cafe with a cozy table and speak your truth.  And, please, also find a way to have a space for folks to love you and communicate with you and be with you when everything else is creating 'too much drama.'   So this is a bit of an apology for opening the doors, for posting and tagging and shouting across crowded rooms that we are proud of you.  I am cool with being the embarrassing parent in the parking lot.