10 More and Less

Author and blogger Rachel Held Evans offered an interesting list of things that she would like pastoral church leaders  to say and do more often.  I will admit that I feel she is right about many of them.  Furthermore parts of the conversation that follow in the comments are an important further exploration of boundaries, shepherding and well being in pursuit of God's reign.  

She asked about what her readers might add, and I have a few items from the pastoral side of the pitch.  

5 Things A Church Should Say and Do More:

·         Mulligans.  ‘This is awful. Let’s start over.’  Worship isn't a performance, it is a relationship with a God who excels at ‘do-overs’. 

·         Assume that people can do difficult new things if they are taught how.  I have seen it.  Really.

·         ‘Dead Air’ in worship is a good time to tell a loved one a joke or tickle a small child.  A laugh track might do the church a lot of good.

·         Make it clear that crying, laughing and wiggling in worship are fine at any age.  Whining and being mean is not.  Worship is not about any solitary person in a congregation.  Attempts to insult, cage or dismiss the natural ways of young families should be considered a red card foul on our baptismal vows.

·         To paraphrase Nerdfighter/Vlogbrother Hank Green: We should care about things, care a whole lot, with a whole lot of attention and energy.  Get Excited because the frozen chosen routine is deathly. Try not to get too down on yourself, or anyone else.  We are imperfect people striving imperfectly, and we are invited to screw up, have regrets and try again!  Enjoy the ever-present game of knowing more about our world, our faith, ourselves and our neighbors.  If there isn't anything to get excited about, then for goodness sake… fix that before you have another committee meeting about the liturgical year!

5 Things this Single, Childless Family Minister Wishes She Heard Less Often:

Now let me say I love and care for every person who has ever uttered these words and I am aware that we are imperfect people in a challenging world.  And that I have never had to raise my own munchkins.  However, perhaps an objective voice...

·         ‘Glad it is you and not me.’  It takes a village to raise a child is not a notion that stops at the edge of church property.  We need the love and care and witness of all generations with young people.  I was at a packed funeral of fine servant of God and country a few months ago.  Every remembrance made me wish that our young people could have known his powerful witness better.  We need your real messy Christian  lives and real journeys to share with our young people.  

·         ‘I couldn't get my child/teen out of bed.’  I suspect this feels like a polite excuse that is trying to say 'it's not you', but mostly it makes me wonder who is in charge.  When I was a child, and it was time to get out of bed, I got out of bed.  And I have never been a nice person in the morning.  My mom called me ‘the bear.’ 

·         ‘I am so glad you were strict with my child.  I just couldn't tell her no’.  How does this help prepare the child to deal with a future boss, partner or neighbor?  Your no and the impending pouting is a much better situation than most of the people can hope to dwell in.  

·         ‘Don’t we need more Bible coloring sheets in the nursery?’  What I want most for infants and toddlers is a community that knows, welcomes and loves them.  Plus a lot of what counts as Jesus coloring books are abysmal crud.  I have a creepy Jesus collection of such products.  

·          ‘Youth are the future of the church.’  There is no guarantee that anyone in our pews will be in our pews in 10 years.  We devote time and talent to ministry young people because they are people in need of love, concern, sacraments and community right now.  If our work leads them to more just, compassionate and holy adult lives then ‘tbtg’.

So former's of faith, parents of munchkins, neighbors, friends, strangers and pastoral types: what would you like more of and what could you use less of?